On ‘Fun-filled Fridays’ we want to ease you into your weekend! We want to talk about people, situations or things that are funny, fun-filled or just plain silly!
For those who wish to have a glass of wine and those who
don’t — this is something that you might want to think about.
As Benjamin Franklin said: “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.”
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E.coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we would be consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember these equalities: Water = Poop; Wine = Health
Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit!
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I’m doing it as a public service.
A Priest has a number of hens and one rooster. One Saturday he goes into the coop to get some eggs, and didn’t find the rooster. This bothers him because he knows that some people in the community engage in cock-fighting and may have stolen the cock.
The priest figures he can find the culprit at church the next day. On Sunday, he gets up in the pulpit and says, ‘all of you who have a cock, stand up’!ALL THE MEN IN THE CHURCH STOOD UP. ‘No, no!’ says the priest, ‘I mean all of you who have seen a cock, please stand up’.ALL THE WOMEN IN THE CHURCH STOOD UP. ‘No, no!’ says the priest. ‘I mean, all of you who have seen a cock that doesn’t belong to you, stand up’.HALF OF THE WOMEN IN THE CHURCH STOOD UP. ‘No! You still don’t understand. All of you who have seen my cock, stand up’.ALLOF THE NUNS, HALFTHE ALTAR BOYS AND ONE GOAT STOOD UP.
Hollywood Zoo: Celebrities as zoo citizens — hilarious and accurate!
Little Johnny Joke
A teacher in Lafayette, Tennessee asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan was but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the children raised their hands except for little Johnny.
The teacher asked Johnny why he has decided to be different…again. Little Johnny says, because I’m not an Obama fan.
The teacher asked, why aren’t you an Obama fan. Because I’m a republican, Johnny replies.
The teacher asked him why he was a republican.
Little Johnny answered, well, my Mom’s a republican and my Dad’s a republican, so I’m a republican.
Somewhat annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, if your Mom was a moron and your Dad was an idiot, what would that make you?
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, that would make me an Obama fan.
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check
He marched straight up to the counter and said, ‘ Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.’
The social worker behind the counter said, ‘ Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.
You’ll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.
This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20s and has a rather strong sex drive.
A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year.’
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, ‘ You’re bull shittin’ me!
The social worker said, “Yeah, well, you started it.”
The following story is true, but names have been changed to protect the innocent.
My girlfriend Andrea had an appointment with her GYN. She got up, took a shower then dropped off her daughter at school.
While Dr. Moskowitz was examining Andrea, she heard him say, “fancy” and few minutes later, while still examining her, he said it again! Once he finished examining her, he said something to her that sounded like, “you’re pretty fancy today Andrea.”
Andrea was livid. She was pissed. She felt violated.
She called me once she was in her car and she was really infuriated. She was livid. I had never heard her like this before. Once she stopped screaming for a minute, I asked her a few questions to see if there had been any previous inappropriate behavior by Dr. Moskowitz. Her answer to all my questions was a resounding no – there had never been any unseemly behavior from Dr. Moskowitz. I reminded her that Dr. Moskowitz had been her GYN for over 10 years and he had delivered her daughter and there had never been any incidents so something else had to be in play.
Even though I was concerned and worried and tried to calm her down she was still furious. She called her husband and gave him several ears full. He tried to calm her down and it didn’t work.
Andrea got home and went into her bathroom. She glanced at her bathroom shelf and to her surprise, next to her FDS was her daughter’s ‘glitter’. Andrea realized that she had inadvertently sprayed glitter all over her ‘kitty cat’.
This is funny to me on some level, but I’m just not sure ‘which’ funny it is. Is this happy funny, sad funny, crazy funny, or mad funny?
Since everything turned out OK, this story can be viewed as light hearted and serious at the same time. I also believe that this is a public service announcement. If you have a child and that child really wants to do something — don’t just brush if off, at least discuss it and pacify him or her and agree to do something to ease their sense of urgency so they don’t take matters into their own hands and you don’t end up with child welfare knocking on your door! Here’s a TRUE story:
9-year-old Semaj Booker, his three brothers and his mother moved from Dallas, Texas to Seattle, Washington. Semaj missed his grandfather in Dallas and wanted to go back ‘home’ to his grandfather. So the persistent 9 year old decided that he was going back to Dallas and came up with a plan.
Semaj, it seems to me is way more advanced than most nine years old. Semaj Booker’s strange adventure began one Sunday afternoon when he stole a 1986 Acura that had been left running in front of a neighbor’s house.
Police spotted the boy on state Route 512 near the Interstate 5 interchange and gave chase when he refused to pull over. The pursuit hit speeds of 80 to 90 mph and ended when the Acura’s engine blew out while the car exited the highway.
“He just coasted to a stop and bumped into a tree,” Lakewood police Lt. David Guttu said.
Officers had to smash one of the car’s windows because Semaj refused to unlock the doors and come out.
Because of his age, officials at Pierce County’s Juvenile Detention Center refused to admit Semaj, so police took him back to his mother’s house.
Early the next morning, though, Semaj took off again. He slipped out of his suburban Tacoma home and somehow made it to Sea-Tac Airport, where he sailed through a Transportation Security Administration checkpoint. So far Semaj hasn’t told anyone how he got from home to the airport.
Authorities say the boy managed to be ‘economical with the truth’ and talked his way onto two flights, aiming to get to Dallas.
“Everything he is doing is designed to get him to Dallas,” Guttu said. “That is what he calls home.”
Southwest Airlines is still trying to figure out how the 4-foot-9, 80-pound youth was able to fly from Seattle to San Antonio with a plane change in Phoenix without drawing the attention of airline workers.
Airline spokeswoman Marilee McInnis said Semaj approached the Southwest ticket counter Monday morning. He said he had lost his boarding pass and his mother was already in the boarding area.
“The young man’s information matched a paid, ticketless reservation for the flight. Based on the information he gave us, he was issued a boarding pass,” the airline said in a statement Wednesday.
Southwest’s policy for unaccompanied minors only applies to 5- to 11-year-olds, and Semaj — apparently having done his homework — told the agent at the ticket counter that he was 12.
“We don’t know how he got the information he gave,” McInnis said.
With the boarding pass in hand, Semaj walked through a TSA security checkpoint, no questions asked. Only adult passengers, 18 and older, are required to carry picture identification, said TSA spokeswoman Jennifer Marty-Peppin.
She said there was no security breach: Making sure customers get on the right plane is the airline’s problem.
Once in San Antonio, Semaj tried to board a third plane bound for Dallas, but Southwest employees stopped him at the gate when he couldn’t produce a proper boarding pass or provide correct information, said David Hebert, a spokesman for San Antonio International Airport.
Southwest staffers initially thought the boy was lost, but when they realized he was wasn’t telling the truth, they called airport police.
After he again gave false information about his age, name and where he had come from, he was taken to the San Antonio police station. There, officers found he fit the description of a missing-person report his mother had filed with Lakewood police.
Semaj was temporarily placed in a boys’ home and registered as a runaway.
He was charged Wednesday in Pierce County with car theft and attempting to elude police, both felonies, and driving without a license. But the nine year old most likely won’t be prosecuted.
The police officer opted not to issue an arrest warrant, saying he needs more information about the mother’s decision to move back to Texas.
Sakinah Booker told The News Tribune that her son doesn’t like the neighborhood and is afraid of a sex offender who lives nearby. “He does not like it at all,” she said.
She said she hoped to move her four sons back to Dallas soon.
How is that for a determined nine year old? If he had lingered around the San Antonio airport and done a little research and gotten some flight numbers and other details he probably would have made it to Dallas. Incredible!
Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.
This is for all my friends who send me all those wonderfully heart-warming stories. Thanks ‘N’ ! J